Carlisle's Friends
Below is a letter that I wrote to some of Gram's long-time work friends on November 21, 2010.
I hope this finds you well. I wanted to take a few minutes to write to
you about Betty Berberich – my grandmother; or Mum, as everyone always called
her. You were an important part of her
life for so many years and I wanted to give an update on what’s been happening
with her, since you’ve last had contact.
About 5 or 6 years ago, we began to
notice that some things were changing for Mum.
Her memory began to fail her and there were occasions where she found
herself not remembering being somewhere where she had been many times
before. Initially, we didn’t think much
of it; we thought it was a natural part of the aging process. After all, she was close to 90 years old.
As time
went by, she began to forget more things.
She also began accusing neighbors and family members of things – often
things that didn’t even make sense. She
became paranoid and angry and her thinking became more and more
irrational. She refused any testing by
her doctor at first. In time, however,
she agreed to some brain scans and they revealed significant shrinkage in her
brain – Alzheimer’s.
Her living
alone became problematic when she began to do dangerous things like lock
herself out of the house, catch coffee pots on fire, and cook the same meals
over and over. Although I was going
there every night to check on her and make sure she ate and got her meds, it
was not enough. The day that she got
herself into the bathtub and couldn’t get out for over 10 hours was the day
that I decided that she needed 24 hour supervision. I hired some aides to come and look after her
when I or Judy (her daughter-in-law) couldn’t be there. A little over a year ago, I bought a house in
Shaler and moved her in with me. This
brought us closer to Judy who could come during the day and help out. My mother often took her on weekends. With Judy and Mom and the aids we were able
to keep her safe and secure for about 7 months.
She continued to get worse though – she became incontinent and she
became too much for the aides to handle in the shower and bathroom. She also began to get very nasty and
sometimes despondent. Although I had
spend a lot of time over the course of a year or so looking at assisted living
facilities that might be an option, I just wasn’t ready to place her.
In March of
2010 after finally realizing that I was not longer the person who could give
her what she needed and best care for her, I made the most difficult decision
of my life: I placed her in a facility.
It was a very scary and difficult time for all of us. I never for one second wanted Mum to feel
like she was being abandoned or that no one cared. We planned things out in such a way as to
move some of her personal things into the facility first. I hung several “familiar” pictures on her
wall and tried to make her room as similar to her “home” as I could.
I thank God
every day that the move went as well as it did.
She never once seemed to even notice she was in a different place and
now, 8 months later, she has yet to ever express to me anything about being
there. The facility is close to me so I
visit almost every day and the family also visits quite often. Sometimes we take her out for dinner or bring
her home for a visit. She is thriving in
the environment. She’s become quite the
little leader – always trying to round up other residents to plan an
“escape”. The staff loves her and they
engage her constantly – whether it be with setting the tables or cleaning up
after meals or helping with the snack cart.
She still loves to raise hell and she endearingly does so with the staff
quite often. They laugh and she
laughs. I never would have thought that
she, of all people, would thrive in this environment.
Mum’s memory and cognitive ability
continue to decline. She still
recognizes most family members, but sometimes gets confused as to how they are
related to her. She often talks about
people that are deceased as if they are living.
We’ve learned not to argue with her as it causes her distress. We simply go along and change the subject if
we need to.
Her physical health is good. She gets around very well. She has some issues with clots in her legs
and they swell and sometimes she get sores on them, but the doctor and nurses
are able to treat that effectively. The
physical therapist says he’s never seen her do so well.
Anyway, my intent in writing this
letter was to simply let you know how Betty is doing; in case you’ve wondered
over the last few years or if you may have tried to contact her and were unable
to do so. Through the years, she always
talked very fondly of you.
Sincerely,
Michael Burroway
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